If I love him, Should he put a ring on it?

When I was a girl my mother said If I said these words; Caspar, Melchior y Balthasar. eñsema el hombre con quien me voy a casar**... and you take a piece a candy and eat it before you go to bed, the man that you will marry will appear in your dreams.

It worked for her she saw my dad... and well here I am! So what is marriage? I remember my sister telling me that in the olden days marriage was a financial union between families. Is that still evident in modern marriages? So in a manner, it's about money, joining of the income and debt...

Marriage is defined to me by a six year old me sitting in my dining room marble table and seeing my mom and dad talking, while I ate my corn flakes and feeling like they have been together forever and that's how it is. I felt that comfort that a man and a woman have when they enjoy each other's company and they are an extension of one another, pure harmony... I knew no better. But TV and films that depicted perfect families with the parents as sweet as can be and prince-like boyfriends that would pull all the stops to propose to the special girl regardless of the supermodel women throwing themselves at him from every angle, trying to be his number one, they marry and live Happily ever after wherever our imaginations finds them.

So who wants to get married? Prop 8 aside, I have seen my beautiful, intelligent cousins and friends find their soul mate; couples that really fit that image I had since childhood; and they found them at the age of 21, 23, 24, 14... I thought I would get married at 19 or 20 , yeah that's young but growing up I would hear the stories of when my mother married at 19 and my aunt at 18 so why wouldn't I think otherwise. That's until I came closer to that age at 17, I started to think about it, but then I was so focused on school, friends and future career plans I thought the boyfriend to husband thing would work itself out because that's how I thought it works ( you know the prince-like guy who notices you regardless of your quirky exterior and knows you are the one).

I had a wise friend come to me last summer at a seminar telling me about how he met his wife at a convention in Orlando in the 60's, he went on to say that before the convention he had made a list of the qualities he wanted in a wife, and later after meeting his beautiful and amazing wife (I met her she is a divine soul) found that she too made a list of qualities she wanted in husband. At the time she was from Colorado and he from California, they kept a LDR*, until they decided to make their relationship serious and later married. Its funny because not so long before that encounter with him I was thinking about my own relationship status and what I wanted. I made a list just recently, but I haven't gone to an event yet that had the same magical connection. But I have yet to really iron out what I really feel about marriage in my life and future, because its more than just the wedding and reception, its a union of different wants, needs, and realities.

My great childhood chum Michelle asked me to answer the question about marriage, since we are in our 30's it is a common thought for the single woman. To add to that, what did I think was in the minds of us ladies in this age category? What comes to mind is that it's an ever changing era and there are different means to get to an end. So the union is about companionship, its about being with that person that is there with you supporting you to be the best woman you can be, and knowing that because of you he will also reach his greatest potential and feel good about being with one another. That is what I feel harmony is in couples; be it in marriage, in a young relationship, or passionate connection. That is what the union between lovers should be. And its determined in how they want to share that love, with or without a ring.

So yeah when I get there if I love him, and if it is right for us he can put a ring on it.

Hugs!



Translation
**Caspar, Melchior y Balthasar. eñsema el hombre con quien me voy a casar =
Caspar, Melchior y Balthasar. show me the man who I am to marry
Break Down
*LDR = Long Distance Relationship